As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. Even before this, she told me she does not want to nor have any desire for sex or intimacy with me or anyone. Being refused is an essential part of the life of a person who is proactive in getting his or her wants met. My current wife was 49 and I was 54 when we met and sex was twice a day for over a year, When she proposed to me, I raesoned that she was a good friend and sex was more then satisfactory, so I accepted. In the meantime,, get naked and take care of your partners needs because as you can see on this strand, there are plenty of people out there who will! Childbirth is a life-altering experience thats not just hard on a womans body but also her mind. Technology is at an amazing point for this right now. Our finances are so intermingled that to divorce means we cut our incomes in half facing either no sex or no home or food. To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. Best to all. What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. You both shatter into a million pieces, and when you emerge from the depths of pain for air, you find that though you are still in love with each other, nothing will ever be the same again. Super heart broken!!! We love each other but no sexual contact leads to a very frustrating relationship. Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. The best thing to do when y our partner doesn't want to be intimate is to ask them about it, point blank. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. Frustrated. Is the meds freak Im a woman that actually wants it my newlywed husband has no interest but I can tell he feels bad but hes ex military so hes to prideful to get pills Im 41 i been told a lot that Im beautiful .. ok not going there but I know Im a catch but even making him food in a nighty doesnt work he says wow babe thanks am like . Additionally, she should see an endocrinologist who can check her thyroid. I absolutely adore my wife/partner I love her dearly and would do anything for her. I suggested just me doing him and he close his eyes and touch me nope. If your penis does not work, attempt to fix it. Sadly that BIG thing was Give Up Sex and just get over it. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. That feeling lasts for several days afterwards. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. The two C words! 16 years being married. I hear ya. The counselor ABSOLUTELY never touched on the subject of sex. Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. My wife never touches me anymore after weve had our child, Greg told us. She needs emotional connectivity even without the expectation of sex, just because it is kind. A woman needs to hear that over and over again, or else she will think that you don't love her anymore (it's contrary to most men, who can be told a thing once and. Life is definitely funny. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? He will not talk about that either. and possibly evil. Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. The scenario you posited is anything but. Its dinner cooked and eaten together, with enjoyment on both sides. What to do about it: If you've talked about all the other reasons on this list and mutually feel great about your relationship (talk to her about thisdon't assume! However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. Yes, its so hurtful and completely discouraging. Thrown into menopause way too young. Who sacrifices? "Feeling expected to have sex a certain way, or feeling like you need to have intercourse if you explore desire with your partner, can actually strangle a woman's libido over time.". Its only going to get worse. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. Married 10 years!!!! He is always sitting alone. Nope. Or you can try and find a willing partner. Dang! That can happen because of a lack of communication, a lack of understanding or just misinterpreting what their spouse is thinking. But it will quickly fade again once their needs are met. Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? I used to ride, but geez that gets old and is still a problem because of the size and lack of hardness. Key points. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! Id never treat him as she does! Almost all new moms experience what is medically described as the baby blues a sudden feeling of sadness after giving birth, coupled with mood swings and irritability, among other symptoms. In other cases, it can also be if youve betrayed her trust in the past. Except she doesnt like hugging or cuddling either. If your wife never initiates sex, its time to bring out your inner charmer and start romancing your wife. My doctor has tried several medications to stop any and all sexual feelings that I feel , but the side effects have always been so adverse that none of them worked out. Im over 60 and Im learning to accept this is the way life is going to be for the rest of my life. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. She is a vegetarian and a purist in many ways, rejecting hormone therapy because of the published risks of breast cancer associated with hormone therapy, though small, my doctor stated. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! Someday I might take a sex vacation overseas. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. We both have health issues I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain). Accept her no lovingly, masturbate, and initiate again another day. The only thing I have now is masturbation about 3 times a week. If you notice your wife acting awkward or becoming extremely tense when you try to touch her, it means she is not liking the fact that you are being physical. The article itself is very weak and rehashed b.s., But the comments are priceless! "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. With the help of psychotherapist Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), who specializes in marriage and family counseling, lets unravel the reasons behind why theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife, so you can ascertain the difference between an unloving wife or one who has subliminally been trying to send you a message. . Im throwing my partner out the door due to his rants and anger over lack of sex. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. Thats great but what about the man? I didnt even get a goodmorning after a month away. This so frustrating at times. Because I am not attractive to her. While my wife does not do drugs or anything like that, she has lost the interest for sex. I am sorry but I think thats just nuts. So as partners age, sometimes we have to stop asking for what is too painful for them to give. If you have always been the one to initiate intimacy in your relationship, take a step back and tell her how sexy you think it would be for her to be the one to reach out. I just go to AA now instead (I drank too much for 10 years because of no sex) & have great old fashioned men friends and conversations of good life practices. If you want to romance her at 11 p.m., you need to understand that she needs time to sleep! she adds. That you would elevate paid sex with a stranger above the shared intimacy and love found only after years together as partners says even more. Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. She may not understand the first time around, but if you keep trying, perhaps shell understand the need to maintain a balance between her roles as a mother and a wife. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. Id like to hear how you feel. I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! I am free to masturbate without hiding it, just dont ask for sex, ever. In a long-term relationship, the partner with the higher libidowhich is not always . So Im frustrated as hell, but I love her and wont cheat on her no matter what. Drying up was a major problem. The guy is obviously attracted to you and enjoys your company or why the 30 year dating? Nerves responsible for pleasure become less prominent and less sensitive. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. My husband will not have sex with me anymore. Or when she does get in the mood again 45 minutes to get hard and going and he is done like always within a minute and he rolls over and goes to sleep. The marriage is fine except for the sex. My 20 year marriage imploded because my husband completely lost his testosterone at age 55. My husband became disabled and had to quit his job. How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls? Do this without the expectation of sexual intimacy. We havent had sex in months. she and I cannot even sit on the couch and watch TV as she scoots away from me. Its one thing to have trouble with arousal, or other sexual difficulties. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Mike it could be only your fault if you are not touching her! At least your wife gives you a hand job AND wants you to Cum on her tits! This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. I appear to have some value to her as a friend, roommate, handyman, gardner, earner, companion, but not in any intimate way. 25 Romantic Things To Say To Your Husband, 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic, 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby, 10 Best-Selling Relationship Books Couples Can Read Together, How To Make Up For Forgetting Your Anniversary 8 Ways To Do It. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. So our sex lives dwindled until around 15 years ago she realized a more regular sex life might be a good thing. He seems to think (as far as I can surmise) that sex is just a little bit dirty or should only be used for procreation purposes. After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. If sex is becoming harder, less pleasurable, or more painful to have, it makes sense that a woman may lose interest in having it at all. Have affairs and visit escorts. Then we got married and had kids (not that I regret) but 20 years of pulling teeth juts to get touched or even desired really hurts. Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. Yes! Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. Wills comment is more true than not (and certainly not far from true). I have tried to have a heartfelt conversation but he is not willing to talk about it. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. I worked sat and sun all holidays and gave away vacation. Also from a masculine point view primordial guttural sex that is still controlled contributes to female orgasim. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. All through this past Covid year, only one time did she come forward an say I need a hug. We love them. The nipple is not an on and off switch. Men listen carefully If your wife stopped having sex with you after marriage she will NEVER regain that desire for you. I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. Sometimes a married woman isn't interested in having sex with her spouse because she's simply not in the mood right now. Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. **The husband has NO right to sex, or anything else. our belief of *how* we should act and behave . I think because I really enjoyed masturbating from my semenarche to marriage, I brought in a healthy way of looking at sex. I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? 35 Sweet Things To Say To Your Wife To Make Her Go Awww! Should I let him go elsewhere? You are the problem/ Can you blame her? You were something new, mysterious, independently confident, self-respecting, self-motivated and unpredictable. messages where she was being flirtatious to a local musician . Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. I am not the same, never will be. You know what I dont need to know the answer. Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. I wonder if it could be depression (something he wouldnt admit to), but its been going on a long time. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. I like cuddling. In long-term relationships, sex can be the fastest route for . There is no hope for this relationship. She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. 57mwm here. When we have been lucky enough to have experienced phenomenal sex with our partners and that has been cut off, that does not mean we stop wanting or needing sex and intimacy. I was faithful to my beautiful redhead for 27 yrs, and I never got tired of making love to her. Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. Its always whatever you want then she lays there kind of tense. He is unhappy with the state of your relationship. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. Well, I am more than happy to say that our marriage has lasted for over 56 years and I know that we are still together mostly due to the fact that we are best friends. But. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. If theres resentment in the marriage, its bound to manifest itself in a sexless marriage. I asked her to consult with her doctor about her sex desire and they may prescibe hormone therapy. Ever again. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. What shallow view of the problem. Slept in basement for a few years until I built my own space that had an apartment and work shop. She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. When a woman looses her ovaries and/or had a hysterectomy the sex drive goes. Well, you might offer to find one for them, then bud out. Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. Yet she constantly professes love. Once the women have these needs fulfilled the sexual desire for the man that gave them all the things they desired goes away. If you love the person you will probably end up in the suffer category, unfortunately. Isnt going to happen. The situations here are not just issues for straight couples. It literally changed our lives. It makes me feel sick. Just because one grows older doesnt mean that sex is over. I self reflected and starting cooking again, especially on her late nights. Sound off: What are some other practical things you can do as a husband to increase intimacy? If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. I have spoken to my wife several times. What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood? No sex 7 years!!! If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. That partner has truly not kept theur vow, but have managed to put us in a moral quandary. In my is own skin. Im 65 and he is 74. He masterbates quite often and I have come home to find him watching porn on the couch and masterbating. We use a great lubricant called Astroglide, to help things along, good stuff. I have (age 60+) gone right off sex. A sexologist is not going to be able to overcome a lack or imbalance of hormones. In this case, you can turn the tide for your sex life by simply becoming more involved in running the household and making your wife feel special by going the extra mile toreduce her burden. You are absolutely right, foreplay is an ongoing and wonderful thing, but for most women, after menopause, and the estrogen dries up, sex becomes too painful because of the dryness. Tired of initiating intimacy? But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. Well -they dont. If I was younger, much younger I would have more options. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. At age 69, were certainly way beyond the procreation stage. For me she is the best woman I have ever been with. Got thru menopause with that help. I was married for 24 years. Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. Be loving. Never unfaithful. My shower massagers has gotten me through years but it never will replace that hard feeling down inside me that I long for, yet believe now I will never feel again and Im only in my 50s. Will not do anything about it.. Refuses everything and anything to do with sex. So, before you start saying things like, My wife never touches me anymore, and misunderstand the problem that youre actually facing, its vital that you try to focus more on why your wife never initiates physical contact. So when your wife seems to frequently push you away and demonstrates through her words or actions that she has no interest in making love with you, this behavior is usually caused by a one or more triggering events. both my parents are senior. That leads to I dont like you. Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? That was then and she is gone now. Shes the mother of our kids! He spent 100.00 on his mother as he forgot to get her a card why cant he forgive me ? I hope this is helpful to someone. Holding on and hoping we can work it out, for now Im giving him space. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. Some get away with a happy one. Moving forward, the endless rejection led me to stop trying to initiate sex, because the repeated rejections is having an effect on my confidence and self esteem. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. I guess my story isnt as bad as many. She looks at it like I was cheating on her. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. Wednesday, August 30, 2017 The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. Sounds like case of no money no honey. But, on the sex side, not too good. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. I quit sex because I didnt want to put with name calling and her being boring. However, if both partners are not okay with a sexless marriage, your relationship wont survive. Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. No way not ever. If your husband rejects your hugs, kisses, and touch, there's something wrong. Your story is very very simular to mine. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. Nothing is out of bounds! Im 55 my name is Tom, I havent made love to my wife in nearly 9 years due to her having several medical issues. That leaves us with so many perverts running around today inept at forming a real relationship, fantasy is in sadly. If us men were all so lucky! If I go with my friend (who is also not 100% and we have the same pace, easy and slow) he ridicules me that I have energy to shop, walk her dog or just sit and chat over some tea. If Im doing the very best I can and feeling pretty good about things, ITS NEVER ENOUGH. We may as well sleep in separate beds at this point. But they can FORCE their partners to NOT have sex and No one seems to want to talk about that. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. Having said that, I understand your frustration too. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her.
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