What is a computer virus? Purrr-ple. Which holiday do cows enjoy most? 38. If you don't already know the answer (and we're guessing you do because it's a classic), you'll simply have to scroll on for the punchline. It let out a little wine. "I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense. It lost its contacts. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? What do you call a fly with no legs? A fence. Goodbye, 2022. During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital. In case they get a hole in one. How does NASA organize a party? Do you know how fast you were going? The police officer says.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); The Muslim man responds angrily, I had no f***ing clue officer!, The cop, surprised, looks at the Muslim man in the eyes and says, What did you just say ta me?, The Muslim man apologizes: Im sorry officer, its Ramadan and Ive been fasting. "No", he says. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Why are ghosts good cheerleaders? Now, the main question here is this - are you ready for our selection of only the best long jokes ever? ( Golf Workout Program) 7) "Housework won't kill you. 300 Funny Jokes Have a good laugh over these clean jokes you can tell your friends and kids without getting in trouble! What do you call a hippies wife? Whats a pirates favorite county? Whats the best smelling insect? But all these years you never said a thing. So we're asking drivers for donations. At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. Two guys walk into a bar. What type of sandals do frogs wear? What do cheerleaders eat for breakfast? A facepalm. Dj brew. "She's my ex-wife. As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt. Just lock him up in a gulag somewhere & accidentally on purpose lose the key to his holding cell. What cookie flavor do monkeys love? Because their capital is always Dublin. By how much he is coffin. 122. Laugh more: Summer Jokes. 44. 88. I always pronounce one word wrong. I don't file my nails. Talk is cheap? ""Yes, yes, I trust you! 26. "A nurse tells the third man, "Congratulations! Cheerios! The man, astounded, turns to the other person and asks, What was in that bottle? The other person replies, Its hare spray.. Why was six scared of seven? 293. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. A swordfish! Give me a ring. One was named Trouble, while the other boy's name was Mind Your Own Business. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? I avoid highways in winter. In a trunk. The man jumps up screaming, grabs his trousers, and runs home to tell his father. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes! A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!. People who dont like fast food! Between you and me, something smells! Just is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. Sep-timber! After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity! Why haven't you spoken before? Put a little boogie in it. Patient: "Doc, my bum hurts"Doctor: "Where specifically does it hurt? I can even do it with my eyes closed. 37. It's hard to suppress the giggles after hearing a cheesy joke. But, we all know how these situations tend to go - if you need to remember an entertaining story that has actually happened to you, your mind goes blank, and now the moment to shine is missed. 1. Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen! 131. Dia-purrs! 129. A chicken sees a salad. What is a computers first sign of old age? !Man, that sentence was way too long. They always get a flush 23. 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Did you hear the one about the roof? Eileen. 300. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. They're a boar. An hour passed, two hours passed. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? Because they arrgh! Why dont blind people skydive? "Me: "Ship her home. A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? Because when you find it, you stop looking. 109. Your email address will not be published. 2. A couple of hours into the flight she nervously announced, "Ladies and gentleman; we don't know how this happened, but we have over 400 people on board, but only 200 dinners. I sold my vacuum the other day. ", Two young salmon are swimming along one day. The next morning Dad is making breakfast and the first little boy drifts into the kitchen. Then two years ago, you told me to go to Mexico, and Earlene got pregnant again. It ran out of juice! Aye matey. Why are teddy bears never hungry? 114. 68. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. He waits a painfully long moment before finishing, "scotch. Secondhand stores. He picks it up and starts crying, thinking hes a horrible person. ", A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, "Do you know her? Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. How do ice hockey players stay cool? John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence. The vendor takes the money and begins helping the next customer. Bad jokes are seriously addicting and for that reason, you should always have a few ready to roll at a moment's notice. She couldnt control her pupils. 125. Why did the bee get married? I bought an automatic shovel. 108. 60. Because the P is silent! A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant. Wheeeee! Oinkment. We love laffy taffy jokes! A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. 133. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. 82. You look drunk. "The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face. He takes careful aim. Hey Pandas, Who Was Your Favorite Black History Month Icon You Learned About This BHM? An avid traveler, foodie, helicopter parent and couch film critic, Sarah is originally from Minneapolis and has spent the last two decades unsuccessfully trying to figure out the difference between a hoagie and a sub. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bulls. What is a gust of winds favorite color? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels. "As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Why do bees have sticky hair? My cat on my lap says she doesn't understand the joke and she would beat me in chess. The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?! You're the father of twins. The best of thymes, the worst of thymes. Where does a spy go to the toilet? What is an insects favorite sport? ", 400 passengers but only 200 meals were loaded onto a flight from Delhi to New York City. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you wish you still had legs like that! A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. The two boys had never heard that word before and asked about it. 286. The boy asked, Paw, Whats at? The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, Son, I dunno. Poopiter. We didn't really give it much thought until my brother really started eating his homework for dinner. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? The waiter asks, Would you like anything? The bear responds, No, Im stuffed.. 123. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. 51. Sarah Lemire is a lifestyle reporter at TODAY.com with more than a decade of experience writing across an array of channels including home, health, holidays, personal finance, shopping, food, fashion, travel and weddings. In his sleevies! The ocean. A meow-tain. 195. Wondering what is was for, he joined it. What is Forrest Gumps email password? Watch while I prove it to you. Remember though if you tell these jokes when you dont have kids it is a faux pa hahahah. Take it to the doc already. He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. ""That's weird," answers the second man. If you're trying to get a kid to laugh, there are lots of strategies you can . Thats terrible But couldnt you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?" The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. 3. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! What has more lives than a cat? A cocker-poodle boo. 187. 264. 240. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since. 64. A pork chop. Wrong. "Nervous, the kid asks, "How long do I have to go to school for? Funny adjectives: queer, sick, rummy, laughable, risible, comic, odd, amusing, questionable, humourous, mirthful, suspect, shady, curious, singular, suspicious, rum, humorous, peculiar, fishy, unusual, comical, ill, strange (Gumball, The Loud House, Teen Titans Go) The amazing world of gumball, Teen titan and Teen titans Go, Adventure Time and even Gravity falls are. As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it? Because he was a fun-ghi. funny dreadlocks jokesharvey korman net worth at death. Studying the Miranda Rights. (Closed), I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics). I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise., Thats amazing, the woman said. I excel at sleeping. I want some motherf***ing pancakes!, the second boy said. The waiter recommended that we try their special coffee. "See that over there? A law suit. What is the opposite of a croissant? What do you call a pile of cats? Do you know why the other one didnt? 263. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold. What do you call a fake noodle? So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body. The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, "Morning, boys! Very Rich Clay, what is your second wish? says the wife. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? What does it make you if you see a robbery at an Apple Store? What do you call a beehive without an exit? 235. A deodor-ant. said the barber. She gets out and says I want you two to make mad passionate love to me in the barn. Dad jokes are both beloved and despisedlike corny puns, they're funny because they're so not funny. 297. Leave the pizza in the oven. 65. 221. , "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher.After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. 159. "Theyre all at the funeral. Why did the witches team lose the baseball game? 116. Please enter your email to complete registration. funny dreadlocks jokes. A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. Well except the kids, right? Why should you knock on the refrigerator before opening the door? Which month do trees dislike? Pigs shouldn't drive. 207. 4. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? To get flowers for her, he had to stand in a line outside the florist for an hour. Why did the gym close down? 190. When do computers overheat? A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. Why should you never trust stairs? They are short and easy to remember. What did the big flower say to the little flower? He wanted cold hard cash! Cauli-flower. 231. The mummy said, "Please don't play jazz because my trom-bones are in a very bad shape. A bookworm. Why were the teachers eyes crossed? The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. What is an astronauts favorite key on a keyboard? Then the driver said, "Look, mate, don't ever do that again. I had him chained to a transmission!. Hour you doing? 292. @hotmail.com: You still think that MySpace is hip. They crashed in the wilderness. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. Because we all know being able to laugh about sex is the key to every lasting relationship anyway. Do you want to hear a construction joke? Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. As they stand there listening and looking over the edge, they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. Because he had a great fall. He pulled him over again. And, I pray, why would God let it eat us? 140. At sundae school. What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative. A chocolate. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. 277. Did you hear the one about the dull pencil? Because they have a lot of spirit! I aint never seen nuthinlike that in my entire life, I aint got no idear what it is.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-netboard-1','ezslot_22',625,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-netboard-1-0'); While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. That hit the spot. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. 105. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. 257. 210. 284. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." Why are pirates called pirates? Flood-lights! A redneck's father passed away in his sleep. How old are you?. Even when you know the punchline is totally going to make you groan, a clever gag is always worth hearing. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? 178. Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor a $20 bill. Before leaving they told my friend that they had enjoyed painting his car, but it is not really a Porsche. The junk food of the comedy world, you can never have just one. What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? Because it had so many problems. Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? Where do pirates get their hooks? She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. ""My God!" Mind Your Own Business replied, "I am looking for Trouble! Because they were pop-ular. It wanted to be a water-melon. 23 Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar Tennessee State Lottery? Why did the developer go broke? I can do it with my eyes closed. The stork-market! 139. 87. Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Why did the ghost go to rehab? ", A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. Loafers. I want some motherf***ing pancakes!, The first boy exclaimed. Follow me on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram for all my latest updates. What kind of fishing bait do librarians use? Why shouldnt you write with a broken pencil? 213. These catchy Valentine phrases paired with candy, a small toy 500+ Hilarious Jokes for Kids {Kid Approved}, Easy DIY Face Mask Pattern | FREE Printable, 10+ Free Cute Girl Coloring Pages for Kids of All Ages. Print them off for free! 5 I don't know how to deal with it. Your feedback will help us improve the article. You will have to leave two behind.. Now I know I can handle the bad news. 203. Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately. 47. A pie-thon! Why cant you trust an atom? John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. 153. Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? 241. Where did the music teacher leave her keys? Why do you go to bed at night? The man replied: "You can't do this.
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