Here are some signs that your father had narcissistic tendencies or was an outright narcissist. Whatever the cause, its important to try to understand why this is happening, and take steps to rectify the situation before it causes lasting damage to your relationship with your daughter. You couldnt easily figure out what was going on, and you probably liked the challenge, so you became an eager relationship sleuth, avidly assembling clues that seem to make the next move more predictable. July 2, 2013, 12:15 pm. 1. Thanks temp! Seriously though, Joss Whedon writes amazing TV his shows are some of the best the medium has to offer. Entirely too much. No. I even managed to convince him to watch Firefly (he loves Jayne. I notice myself not racing to pick up my daughter from. Its so easy to kill that spark in a child, well done to the mum for supporting her daughter in doing what she loves! July 2, 2013, 12:06 pm. And of course. Ostensibly through her mother. Last Friday night, he worked late and came home exhausted. July 2, 2013, 2:27 pm. Our daughter just turned thirteen and she loves Star Trek, Dr. Who, Cat Warriors, fantasy books, theater and acting and swimming. When my family went on vacations as a kid, I didnt get a say in where we went. PostedOctober 22, 2014 Yeah, funny thing for me was, my dad put me in basketball, and he was surprisingly non-pushy about it, but he was constantly telling me I needed to be more aggressive. Your well-intended desires to connect in rational and predictable ways gave way to superstitious behaviors: "If I just pay close enough attention to all the previous interactions, I can control the outcome by doing everything just right. Like making sure the sun comes up by accurately participating in the correct rituals. Thats unfortunate (to say the least! . I dont know if its The Best thing, but its very important and Im glad for all the things he exposed me to. he wants to teach her to drive. For every outing he chooses and she doesnt like, they should also choose something together that they can both enjoy (for example, shes into Star Trek and hes into science, so go to a space museum). Its interesting how the commenters with nice, loving parents saw this one way, and those of us with our experience saw it as something much darker. We were so thrilled. Exposure to anything is great for children. I was so bad at the sports I was enrolled in that I would cry and beg not to go back, because I was the worst and everyone let me know it. Mommy and daddy love each other. The things she listed that her daughter is into isnt mindless pop culture. My mom and I were not friends like this, and she let my dads bullying escalate to keep the peace. Although this trip, for the first time ever, I strung the fish after I caught it. By myself, though. and hes an attorney, and Im sure the rest of the family wants to stab us). You are so stupid, get some real hobbies.. When I was 12 I was into makeup, boys and candy. Being My Husbands Caregiver is Exhausting. LW, I think encouraging your daughter to spend time with her dad is so important. The LWs husband sounds like my father. Cardinals games and all. I thought Wendys first sentence was actually pretty snotty which surprised the heck out of me. And who knows how their relationship might blossom if you and your husband would only make nurturing it more of a priority. And that if he continues to do so, he risks damaging these relationships still further. She may not have attended every softball game, but she never missed a dance recital or play, and always made sure I had a clean uniform for those softball games and a snack to take with me. Losing the . Find your shared interests and go from there? Hes putting her down. It is essential for a father to be involved in his daughters life and to show her love and attention. Maybe raising a daughter with a social perspective. bittergaymark MAY THEY DIE IN LOTS OF FIRES. Make it easier for him to be his best self. She wasnt responding to the father though. I really dont think this situation falls entirely on the husband. The problem is that instead of at least tolerating her fangirling, my husband tends to disparage it, and roll his eyes. But if youre saying that getting the daughter into these things was some deliberate, malicious move on the part of the mother, I doubt that. July 3, 2013, 2:36 pm. In short, that means they have a common reality they both share, so that each believes the other will see things in approximately the same way. Exactly Lily! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Im willing to bet you (and me and others) would have done the same thing back to him when he mentioned something that you didnt like. You dont always have to act like a 12 year old girl in her presence. I agree, of course people can be smart and informed and still like other stuff too. By all accounts this 12 year old has healthy, varied, age-appropriate interests and Im not sure why dad cant serve a little honey with his vinegar. (I threw it all up and cried. Does he like the 80s music? We watched Eureka last year and our daughter loved it and talked about it with her friends. Your confidence in yourself as a reasonable and intelligent human being may have rapidly diminished. Then Id tell you to keep pushing for her to spend time with you. Do I wish shed made more of an effort to hang out with me sometimes and like the stuff I liked? 'My husband is a terrible driver. This sounds a lot like my childhood! Give it a look and let me know what you think. Im notorious for doing this to family and friends, but you know what? Theres making a light-hearted joke when something is spilled, and then there is telling your child that what makes her happy is stupid. I just dont get it. Is there crap out there? I wouldnt say they are musical magicians or anything, but they can still put on a good show. You might have started asking yourself, Is this person taunting me on purpose? If LWs husband is making LWs daughter think that shes less of an awesome person for not having the skills he wants her to have, instead of saying these skills will make her a more awesome person, than thats probably the main reason shes pulling away. Absolutely Dad! I agree with everything Wendy said, and your daughter will certainly benefit from spending quality time with him, even if they arent doing things that she necessarily enjoys. Twin Flame & Soul Mate Guide, 22 Things You Should Know in Dating Latino Men: What To Expect, Dating Canadian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating Australian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating American Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect. Man, thinking about those early teenage years still strikes a nerve. Liquid Luck I was bookish, nerdy and fangirly so I really connect with the LWs daughter. July 2, 2013, 1:01 pm. I was/am (?) So you need to be more encouraging of her spending time with him and stop acting like a little club. Mommy and daddy present a united front. I agree with this, except, I dont think the mother was intentionally pushing these shows on her, it probably just happened. I didnt get the sense that the LW is only liking or disliking things to get closer to her daughter. Please dont disparage science fiction/fantasy as not being intelligent or low-brow for children and adults. Huge difference one is laughing with you, one is laughing at you and I think when your daughter is 12 and you are having trouble getting along that it is on the adult/father to go the extra mile and make sure that you arent being a jackass in an effort to be humorous. Well-intentioned, devoted partners of crazy-making people can become obsessed with trying to find the magic potion that will make their partners happy and appreciative of their efforts. But his way is tearing them apart, to the point where she and I look forward to him traveling so we wont have to tiptoe around him. He was just happy that I was excited about reading. Express your love and offer your help as opportunities arise. Cant we at least celebrate that the things listed like Harry Potter probably indicate that the daughter is reading a lot of books not a bad thing , lets_be_honest Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Are they driven by some internal fear or do they just get off on the game? If he simply refuses to see that there is a problem and you continue to feel miserable, I suggest you consider talking things through with a Relate counsellor (relate.org.uk). My mom hated most of those things and really didnt make an effort to get involved. Particularly this, Help her see the best side of her dad, even if hes sometimes making it difficult. July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. temperance Related- History Channel has some great programming thats HIGHLY educational but fun to watch. Agreed. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? July 2, 2013, 12:43 pm, Shes 12 at what age are you supposed to be more able to enjoy mindless pop culture!?! Your daughter may feel like you deserve to be happy and, as a result, may want you to leave your husband if hes not making you happy. My mom begged me to stay close so I went to one about 3 hours away but it was in the city she grew up in and all of my family was there. In her mind, hes the only man who should be in your life and she may feel like shes losing him if you get divorced. You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. I was born in 87 so grew up in the 90s, yet was still exposed to a LOT of 80s pop culture through reruns and radio and older peers. I consider myself mature and intelligent, yet Ill still watch mindless shit sometimes. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. I have to agree. I think hes going a little too far if hes making disparaging comments about her personality, but I absolutely hate baseball, and if I married a guy who loved it and we had a son who was obsessed, I know that Id be rolling my eyes at them. If everybody liked the same things, the world would be rather boring. Its rude for an adult to behave that way towards another adult, and its downright hurtful to do it to your child. Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. She played Meribor (spelling.) But nurturing these relationships between your daughter and both you and your husband while exposing her to things that may or may not be of immediate interest to her WILL help her be a more well-rounded, confident young woman secure in the knowledge that both her parents love her. And they never put down my interests (which at the moment are the same as the LWs). He is into science so a consultation with a trained professional may be exactly what he needs. Interested in science? I think you are probably right. I honestly think both parents are at fault. Which sort of circles back to point that even if this dad doesnt connect with his daughters interests, he really should make an effort. Shes driving me crazy and I dont know how long I can take it.. She grabs every opportunity to be near him but won't actually tell him how she feels. But you know what. I do that with everyone I know who likes baseball, which probably makes me annoying, but its what I do. When I got to college and met all these kids whod been exposed to more high-brow stuff than I had, I definitely felt like I had to play catch-up to at least even have an opinion on this stuff. This is partly why it can be so challenging to get a cognitively impaired individual to stop driving. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that we end up with ridiculous escalating fights. Yes, this is the stuff a 7th grade girl needs to hear to boost her self-esteem. This young girl sounds like shes already quite cultured! I think she should have given more advice for the LW about dealing with the husband and his responses to the daughter. I actually found her on Facebook a few years ago, lol. And her ongoing view that this somehow makes her the better parent is definitely bordering on malicious, I got into I Love Lucy and Bewitched thanks to my mom!! 1. It was nothing but glassy-eyed stares and yawning. New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Its a question many mothers ask themselves: why is my husband driving my daughter away? The father is totally out of line with his dismissive and unloving ways, but so is the mother, big time. They clearly saw that parent as the good guy, and are unconsciously playing out the same part, unable to stop giving even when it cannot be reciprocated. Wendy, I too got the us against him mentality from this LW.
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