Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Because all the other four letter words were taken. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Whos there? Fore! Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. Another Ball in the Trees. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. If you break 80, watch your business.". The threesome were curious what was going on. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? 1. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Please add a link to this article. 6. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. 3. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. The other 20. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. "Golf is like a love affair. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Tiagra. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Correct one fault at a time. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. What does a golfer do on his day off? Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. course sometime. Why not! They expect to succeed! I play Bass. Toggle Navigation Menu . How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Because her coach was a pumpkin. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. "I'm the best. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Spread your legs a little more. After 18 holes I can barely walk. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Knock, knock 1. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. I`m really worried about myself. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Lee Trevino, 59. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. This post may contain affiliate links. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. 3 of 10. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. the flag cant jump. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. How many strokes was that? Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Dont even putt. Bruce Lansky, Author. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! No, but I'm willing to screw in them. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Nuts! Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Any birdie will do. Your email address will not be published. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. I stepped on a rake. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. 5. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. At the golf corpse! And it's damn funny. -Bob Hope So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Their expectation, however, is very different. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Putter Around. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. He was puttering around. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Required fields are marked *. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. What did the duck say to the golf ball? As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. The means are as important as the ends. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Your email address will not be published. He said. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. I give him the driver. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Jack Benny. 7. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Boo. About 160 yards was his reply. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. You are signed up for our newsletter! Do you know why the game is called golf? It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. He attacks it. How the heck did that happen? David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Wash your balls. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. You hit down to make the ball go up. 19. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. but I can show you what is! A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. The lowest score wins. We have a threesome, care to join us? 4. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Why are golf and sex so similar? A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. A fan in the crowd said Mr. So, what are your thoughts? Or under. 3. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Because it would interrupt their tea time. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. In case they get a hole-in-one! Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. It will test your patience. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Keep your sense of humor. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Fore-get Me Nots. Bye Bye Birdie. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Required fields are marked *. Lee Trevino. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Hi there! Because they might get a slice. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? They have been there where we are standing now. Knock, knock Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. In the Golf of Mexico! For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. I know what to look for. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? 1. So what are you waiting for? He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . 21. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! It can be difficult. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Lift your head and spread your legs. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. And that thought is: Dont think. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Here, have a carrot! Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Your email address will not be published. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! I never prayed that I would make a putt. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. 5. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. You need to adjust your grip. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Dirt your body. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. See you in the Email! My three keys to success: One, work hard. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. 4. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. . He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. If we . Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Jim Murray. Very interesting. Clubbing. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". ~ Victor Hugo. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. If you drink, dont drive. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. If you break 80, watch your business. 5. Sam Snead. What do golf and sex share in common? 3. Noah. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Look at the size of his putter. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. My drives aren't always long and straight. All the fans are gone! document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Please read here for more information. 3. no! Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. 2. In case he got a hole in one! The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Wodehouse, 31. Golf is the easiest game in the world. Are you into kinky stuff? Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Required fields are marked *. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Choose What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Whos there? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. 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Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? So, I'm on the first tee with him. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Tahiti. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. -Happy Gilmore. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? 3. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Nay! Go to the golf course. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. Their fore-fathers! The guys who come It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Are you looking for some funny jokes? Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball?
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